Familiar Pains of the Heart

In the journey through life, we hit potholes and bumps along the way. Some aren't so big and others are just as big as we bargained for. Life wasn't promised to be easy and the choices that we make aren't always the best at the times we need them to be. And its in that breaking point where we promised and vowed to ourselves that we would never cross that path again or allow the certain hurt drown us again. Internal affliction is much more deeper and the whip of its terror can make things fall apart. Love is such a important word and phrase, yet used lightly in a way in which really doesn't portray its inner core.

The pains in which I feel yet refuse to annouce are not renounced. Therefore, I am crippled and dumb founded to the fact that it has gotten ahold of my heart. Not this heart of flesh which will perish someday, but from the depth of one humans soul. Though my mind is strong and my eyes look to the skies for help, yet through these teary eyes you can see the story in my heart, that soon will unfold in due time. God hears my cry and see's my tears. Days flow on by like a running river and time skips on ahead as a leaf blown by the wind. Soon I will heal and its a matter of reminding myself of who I am and the patience that God has granted me to have all these years and yet to sustain from falling apart.

Familiar pains, I wish everyday not to be repeated over and over. But what can you expect when life is like pot of soup. Some ingredients may seem unfit for the recipe. But at the end it taste good. Even the bitter seeds take a toll on us.. but it makes us wiser and stronger. I'm heading to better days. I just know and hope for it!

Time is Thin

Time is fast and the days are at its end
The second seems an hour ago
The hours seem a days worth already
And a day seems a million weeks passed
The years leap by as fast as a rushing waterfall
And those years have soon become just a memory

The last Time we laughed
The last Time we cried
The last Time we hugged
The last Time we talked
The last Time we spent time
All has become in this little box
Of past time memories

In an instant life changes
For the good or the bad
But it depends on the person
Even in this heartbreak
Even in the shadowed mind
My heart wanders of a longing soul
That once lit my smile to its neverending glare

But just as I hold these past time memories
in a little faded box
I shall always feel that time is no respector of man
and the weight of life he holds
Time is cruel, yet precious
Truly experienced.... Time is thin!

A Summer Hate: Dark July

Summer was always a favorite of mine
Summer was the part of the year
where i could put up my feet
and sit in the steaming sun soaking its energy
Having fun in the sippin' on coke
and wishing for some breeze to hele on by
loving every minute of rest and chillaxin
gazing out at the rough crashing waves as the oceans sing its melody in sync
And July comes by as we celebrate Independence Day
the freedom that rings from Mother land America
which now belongs to our little overcrowded island
When family from sorts decide to visit
and memories are made with once was distant and now is intimate
As August nears, Fall floods in and school begins
and children with their parents raid the stores for back to school items
and wondering to ones self of a new era to begin

But i dread it all, I dread this summer passed
over and over over and over again
It has become my enemy and taken what once belonged to me
It took away my jewel, my pearl
it took away my laughter, my joy, my song, my everything
It snuck right up on me and snatched it like a greedy thief
Took everything without warning, within a snap of a finger
A blink of an eye, like candy from a baby
It took my song and i stand in a drought
Dry as a dusty old desert in search of my quench
But it cannot be found
Even the good times can't hack it.. for its too much
I hate summer and I hate that Dark July 3rd
For its a day and season when my world fell apart!


I miss my DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crossroads

HEY! YOU EVER BEEN OR COME ACROSS A CROSSROAD? TIME OF DECISION? TIME WHEN YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE AND MAKE SURE THAT IT IS THE RIGHT CHOICE BECAUSE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT? MAN.. DA PRESSURE AND ALL THESE THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS FLYING THROUGH YOUR MIND AND YOU CAN'T EVEN CATCH ONE!! BUT AINT IT A BIG RELIEF TO KNOW THAT GOD'S WORD SAYS IN Philippians 4:7, "AND THE PEACE OF GOD, WHICH TRASCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING WILL HELP GUARD YOUR HEARTS AND MINDS IN CHRIST JESUS". A PEACE THAT EVEN THE CHAOS TRYING TO TAKE PLACE IN YOUR MIND WILL SAY.. "WHAT DA HECK!!". HAHAHAHA!!! THANK GOD DAT HE NEVA LEAVES US HANGIN, HE'S ALWAYS TRUE TO HIS PROMISES. THAT HE HAS GIVEN US THE HOLY SPIRIT, THE WONDERFUL COUNSELOR, TO BE OUR GUIDE. WHY? TO GUIDE US INTO ALL TRUTH!!PROVERBS 3: 5,6TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART. LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. ACKNOWLEDGE HIM AND HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATH!!

No More Pain, No More Sorrow, No More Tears

A few weeks ago, we lost two of our beloved, Nick and Marrisa... our big brotha and baby sis!! Its never easy to lose someone you love so much. Many questions ran through our minds. The big questions of why God??? Sometimes things happen in life to make us stronger and to teach us a lesson. Life is too short to hold grudges, to become too busy and miss that quality time with one another, to stay in your comfortable place and not pursue the unknown. In Rev. 21:4, the bible talks about a place where we will never again experience pain, sorrow, and no more crying... just love, joy, and peace!! That is why I put that title "NO MORE PAIN"... signifying that Nick and Marissa are at Rest. They experienced so much pain and grief while here and we can only imagine what they've been through... only God knows!! Look up family... THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT!! Live your life for Nick and Marissa... keep the LOVE fresh and let it grow to flourish in our relationships with one another. Family.... YOU ARE MY HEART AND SOUL!!

If Tomorrow Never Comes

I WRITE THIS TO ALL WHO I'VE EVER KNOWN OR EVER CROSSED PATHS WITH.. LIFE AIN'T EASY... NO ONE EVER SAID IT WOULD BE EASY!! BUT THERES A PROMISED TRUTH.... AND THAT TRUTH IS... LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SIN. MANY THINGS HAPPEN TO US THAT WE'D NEVER THOUGHT COULD HAPPEN TO US.. I FOR ONE KNOW SO. NO ONES PERFECT, NO FAMILY IS PERFECT, NO LIFE IS PERFECT. U SEE... BEHIND THE SMILES AND THE LAUGHTER.. THERE HIDES A LITTLE SCORN OF HATRED, ANGER, DEPRESSION, AND EVERY OTHER SICKNESS DEPRAVED. THERE ARE SECRETS THAT CAN KILL AND SECRETS THAT CAN FREE, BUT ALL FALLS DOWN TO ONE SIGNIFICANT ORDER...IMPERFECTION. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY IMPERFECTIONS OR YOUR DOUBTS, OR THE SECRETS, OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT HAS TORN US APART. I DON'T CARE OF THE MISTAKES WE'VE MADE OR DA WORDS WE REGRET EVERYDAY OF CALLING ONE ANOTHER. I DON'T CARE OF OUR DIFFERENCES, AND WETHER I'VE KNOWN U MY WHOLE LIFE OR NOT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT. BECAUSE THAT IS ALL IN DA PAST AND DA PAST DOES NOT HOLD ME NOW. I WANT U TO KNOW TODAY.......................


LOVE U WITH AN UNENDING LOVE BECAUSE THAT LOVE WAS BESTOWED UPON ME. I CARE FOR YOU WITH A HEART THAT NOT EVEN THE BIGGEST PASSIONATE HEART OF THIS WORLD COULD COMPREHEND IT. I NEED U LIKE I'VE NEVER NEEDED ANYONE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. BUT TO HATE U... IS WHY TODAY I CHOOSE TO LET LOVE RESIDE.SO IF MY TOMORROW NEVER COMES AND YOU NEVER GOT TO HEAR MY LAST WORDS TO YOU... THIS IS WHAT I WOULD SAY...................


THANK YOU! FOR LOVING ME JUST THE WAY I AM. KNOW THAT THIS HEART OF MINE BEATS FOR THE SAKE OF YOU!!

Dealing with People and Having the Compassion to do it

I KEEP THINKING OF WHAT JESUS ASKED PETER, "DO YOU LOVE ME, THEN FEED MY SHEEP". JESUS ASKED PETER THIS A COUPLE OF TIMES. I THINK HE JUST WANTED TO SEE IF PETER REALLY DOES LOVE HIM... BUT DEN AGAIN, GOD IS THE ALL KNOWING!! I HAD TO ASK MYSELF THE SAME QUESTION, "DO I LOVE JESUS? DO I LOVE HIM TO THE POINT THAT I WOULD DO ANYTHING HE ASK OF ME??". THAT IS A QUESTION THAT I MOST LIKELY HAVE TO ASK MYSELF EVERYDAY.OUR LIVES CONSIST ON BEING AROUND PEOPLE 24/7. AS A COUNSELOR AT THE TEEN CHALLENGE CENTER, I DEAL WITH MANY PEOPLE EVERYDAY. AND WITH PEOPLE, THERE ALSO COMES DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES AND DIFFERENT VIEWS OR PERSPECTIVES. EVEN DIFFERENT MANNERS AND DIFFERENT PROBLEMS. I BELIEVE THAT DEALING WITH PEOPLE IS VERY HARD TO COME BY. SOMETIMES WE'D LIKE TO STAY IN OUR OWN LITTLE CORNER AND BE ALONE, INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH THEIR FITS AND ATTITUDES. I AM HUMAN TOO AND GOD DID MAKE MY EMOTIONS TO FEEL. BUT THRU IT ALL YOU LEARN THAT IT IS NOT YOUR EMOTIONS THAT SHOULD CONTROL YOU, BUT YOU CONTROLING YOUR FEELINGS. EVEN MORE... IT IS LOVE THAT DRIVES US TO GO BEYOND OUR LIMITATIONS AND EVERYTHING WE'VE EVER DONE. IT IS A GREAT TASK AND HARDER TO DO ALONE. BUT WITH GOD'S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE INSIDE OF ME, I KNOW I CAN DO IT. AGAINST ALL ODD'S, ITS TOO SEE WITH GOD'S EYES BECAUSE HIS VISION AND PASSION IS UNLIMITED. SO WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS YOU MIGHT ASK?? STRAIGHT TO YOUR HEART. BE A LOVER OF MEN, OF SOULS, OF THE BROKEN HEARTED. BECAUSE I WAS BROKEN HEARTED, I WAS A LOST SOUL. BUT SOMEONE SHOWED LOVE AND COMFORT TO ME. NOW ALL I CAN DO IN RETURN IS GIVE IT BACK TO OTHERS. I HOPE THAT CAN BE YOUR HEART TOO TODAY!!