WAITING

Waiting is the hardest thing for me to do these days. We're so used to having things constantly and at the time we expect it to come. But without patience, we will never know to appreciate the things that we have. The time we spend with our loved ones and friends, leads to the looking at the clock. No more quality time or time well spent in the mode. All has become part of the fastlane of life and next thing you know, you start wondering and try remembering what had happened and how did I get to this place.

It kills me for I am a very impatient person. I wonder...when will my time come? Some people say, stop looking for it. If you don't expect it to come, thats when it shows up. Well, I've tried both. I've had my share of jerks and assholes. And I was told that you're gonna go through alot of jerks to meet the one that is compatible with you. I don't think I can take these heartaches. I had only wish they'd see me for who I was and not just for what I have.

I've always believed that there is a guy out there that is different from all the rest. But at this point in my life, I feel like men are dogs. Yet I yearn for their companionship. Many say I'm picky. If I wasn't, I'd let any guy just step over me and do what he wants and I'm his slave. Hell no I ain't gonna have that. No way! I wish I could just have no kind of feelings. But I do!!!

For once in my life, I just want to feel and be held by someone who loves me unconditionally, no strings attached. The intimacy of two becoming one. I have so many regrets of giving myself to lesser lovers, and in return, I am left with more loneliness and painful heartache that I had to begin with. I cry every now and then, because of this emptiness that rules my heart. Peace should take its place, but somehow it cannot reside there today.

I'm not average all around pretty girl. And I don't have the body, or the character that may attract some man. I don't wanna be like others, I want to be me, take it or leave it. But in our society today, its how you dress, how you look, how much you weigh, etc. I've tried to do all those things and can't keep up. I'm tired of selling myself short. I wanna be me, who God created me to be. But no one can see that!

What the hell am I rambling about? Oh gosh, I'm so lost and confused. I'm just venting and venting and usually it would help, but I guess this one is much bigger than me. GOD!!!!!! Whats going on with me?? Damn, its the waiting part again. I'm so emotional yet so drained by the thought of being patient with life. So weary, so beat, tired of all this. WAITING....its the most hardest thing to do!!!

S E P A R A T I O N by Emily T. Afo

(Based on Romans 12:1-2 & Colossians 3:2)


I may live in this body
And its nature may still reside
But Your Word is more powerful
Than the filthiness inside

I offer myself wholly
I surrender my selfish will to you
That I may be conformed comepletely
That for you, I may be used

I've tried numerous times
To do it my own way
But everytime I failed
And defeat surely stayed

With Your Precious Living Word
I resume into a field of light
Of such unworldly wisdom and power
That gives me brand new sight

Passionately seeing with Your eyes
In the depth of a darkened hole
To which has converted my belief
Bringing grace to my soul

My life as a Living Sacrifice
May it be Holy and acceptable to you
Never could it compare to the demonstration
Of Unconditional Love for Life renewed

My mind is set upon the things above
Your Word has overturned my doubt
With all strength in me and willingness
Your bread of life I shall not live without

Cause I may live in this body
And yes... its nature may still reside
But doesn't stop me from continuously
Letting Your Word renew my mind!

Rescued

Sometimes its hard to think
When everything around me is loud
I try my best to hear your voice
And remember its sweet sound

I give up too easily
With no patience to yield
Constantly looking beyond
This grassy, defiled field

This hole I've dug so deep
Has, in return, caught me in its trap
I fall to my knees in rapid tears
Thinking of the best I used to have

Its dark, cold, and intense loneliness
Hovers fully over me
My vision is blur to any kind of light
And makes it hard to see

Then suddenly from afar I hear the voice
In which I haven't heard for so long
The voice of the One I've been searching for
Who's words protray a mending song

The One with whom I once walked with
He's the one I've cried for
He's the one that carried me throughout these years
And brought me back to shore

I was weak, but He was always strong
I never could understand His strength
But I stepped out in faith, trusting Him
I just knew that He would lead the way

As His voice got closer and familiar
I began to call, "Help, me please"
I was quickly lifted from the mirey pit
And my mind and heart put to ease

He dust the mangy dirt off of me
He went on till I was clean and pure
He wiped the tears from my weary eyes
And my soul was reassured

Now I fly on eagles wings
Soaring high above the overgrown grass
My breath skips a incredible tune
Singing I am free at last

You never fail me, no
And I've come to accept the fact
That though I mess up many times
You always want me back

Because I belong to you always
I am the apple of your eye
Help me to never let you go
Now in your arms, Relief, I quietly sigh

In Loving Memory of a Unconditional Loving Father & Hero

Many of you may know my dad as your friend, as a co-worker, a brother, a son, a cousin, an uncle, and so the list may go on! A man plays many roles and wears many hats, as do the women. My father took up the responsiblity of many roles and did the best he did. But through everything he's done, there are three specifics that I can truly see my dad well accomplished in life, on forth to his passing!

He was an extraordinary Chief. He loved his family and sacrificed the well being of his own imediate family so that the Afo's as a whole may be well thought of and taken care of. He wasn't a man that ordered and strictly gave instructions with hostility. But lead those under him with compassion, love, and God given wisdom. His priority was that each and every person was equal and satisfied and in good terms that were agreeable when it came to fa'alavelave's and the decision making. But he also had a firm hand to do what was right even when others looked otherwise. He taught me to be a great leader and that your neighbor on your left is the same as your neighbor on your right. He taught me to see beyond the circumstance and to be strong willed yet open minded when it came to others.

Daddy was the ideal DAD! The perfect dad! What every child would love to have in a Father. He took care of his own and made sure that even if we didn't have the world.... the love and respect and honesty and true intimacy of his heart made us feel we owned the universe and that heaven was just around the corner. My relationship with my father was so intimate that because I knew he was my father, I didn't have to worry about things or be ashamed of who I was. I felt 10 feet tall cause dad loved me like that! I could always talk to him about anything and everything and though he didn't understand at times, he would always make sure to let me know that he was listening. He made sure to always tell us his children and to always remind us that he loved us. Not every man can do that for his children. Daddy wasn't just any man. He was a man with a big humungous heart with infinite love!

My father was the perfect husband to our mother. He loved her with every bit of his soul and heart. How do I know? He told me himself! When mama would get sick, he'd be so worried and stressed because He wouldn't know what to do if he lost her! Mama always said that he was the love of her life! Their bond and relationship as husband and wife, as I've seen day in and day out spending time with them was an incredible and priceless love. To his death they were together, to his last breath, mama was by his side!



Daddy left a great big picture of what a man should be, not only to the world, but to his own family. Everyday I begin to see my dad in me and everything he taught me has come into remembrance and sometimes it makes me cry cause I start to miss him, and sometimes it makes me smile because I start to remember his handsome smile and it warms me. In my life right now i feel the void of his manly love and protection, but I remember how daddy always says to let God be that core for me and I'll never feel that void again. And so I am doing as he has always said and bit by bit God is mending that broken heart!

I love you dad! Thank you for such great memories that bring peace to my soul. You lived a life that was well lived! I only pray that I can be half the person you were to all of us and to others!! You are my heart and soul, my hero and confidant, my music man that taught me everything I know and left it embedded in me. For that... I am grateful!

I'll see you heaven... till then... I will make you proud!! I LOVE YOU....

The Possibility of Us

I stand so far away
Yet you're very close by
Each breath I take ends
With a deep heavy sigh
Should I say what's in my heart
Or ignore the scrounging truth
Should I let you know the the weight of me
That I'm in love with you

Love is a word taken very lightly
And tested through the years
My heart pounds quickly
Its your rejection that I fear
Some say leave it alone
Move on to something better
But they can't see what I see
My vision is clear in any weather

Though our years seperate us from believing
I do not think its the important thing here
Does it really matter to you
That my face is stained with burning tears
God, tell me, what am I to do
With all these feelings that are well alive
Is it for me to know that he's the one
Or should I push them aside

I quietly sit and watch the days go by
Going on like everythings okay
Yet its killing me softly and hurting
To say what I need to say
I'm afraid you'd laugh
And turn me away
I'm afraid you won't see
And things will never be the same

So I'll just keep to myself everything
Though it hurts so bad
I'll walk the rocky shores
And bury my feet in the sand
I'll pray for God to take this feeling
This Desire to be with you
Cause I know that in the end
I will only be the one in love..yet fooled!

(deep sigh...*tears*)

Familiar Pains of the Heart

In the journey through life, we hit potholes and bumps along the way. Some aren't so big and others are just as big as we bargained for. Life wasn't promised to be easy and the choices that we make aren't always the best at the times we need them to be. And its in that breaking point where we promised and vowed to ourselves that we would never cross that path again or allow the certain hurt drown us again. Internal affliction is much more deeper and the whip of its terror can make things fall apart. Love is such a important word and phrase, yet used lightly in a way in which really doesn't portray its inner core.

The pains in which I feel yet refuse to annouce are not renounced. Therefore, I am crippled and dumb founded to the fact that it has gotten ahold of my heart. Not this heart of flesh which will perish someday, but from the depth of one humans soul. Though my mind is strong and my eyes look to the skies for help, yet through these teary eyes you can see the story in my heart, that soon will unfold in due time. God hears my cry and see's my tears. Days flow on by like a running river and time skips on ahead as a leaf blown by the wind. Soon I will heal and its a matter of reminding myself of who I am and the patience that God has granted me to have all these years and yet to sustain from falling apart.

Familiar pains, I wish everyday not to be repeated over and over. But what can you expect when life is like pot of soup. Some ingredients may seem unfit for the recipe. But at the end it taste good. Even the bitter seeds take a toll on us.. but it makes us wiser and stronger. I'm heading to better days. I just know and hope for it!

Time is Thin

Time is fast and the days are at its end
The second seems an hour ago
The hours seem a days worth already
And a day seems a million weeks passed
The years leap by as fast as a rushing waterfall
And those years have soon become just a memory

The last Time we laughed
The last Time we cried
The last Time we hugged
The last Time we talked
The last Time we spent time
All has become in this little box
Of past time memories

In an instant life changes
For the good or the bad
But it depends on the person
Even in this heartbreak
Even in the shadowed mind
My heart wanders of a longing soul
That once lit my smile to its neverending glare

But just as I hold these past time memories
in a little faded box
I shall always feel that time is no respector of man
and the weight of life he holds
Time is cruel, yet precious
Truly experienced.... Time is thin!